I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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