they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
