I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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