I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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