Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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