quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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