somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
