Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So vagazzling was a success
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
