Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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