I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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