I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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