I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
