I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
