i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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