Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
high people should be assigned attendants
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
