she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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