Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
