Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
