u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
