Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
