If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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