Jerry, you need to find god
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.