I got chris browned last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones