She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?