She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness