I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction