Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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