I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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