What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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