the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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