Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm both gender and math confused
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
