just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
