idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
