I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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