I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
