Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
