This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
