I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
