i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
