Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
