He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
