i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
