Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's the barista slut.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
