the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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