The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
