shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
