Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
