Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
