I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
