genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As shirtless as possible
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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