I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
