I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
