Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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