That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
