Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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