i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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