Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
