Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
