Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
