32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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