I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
