I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
