: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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