We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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