I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
