someone threw a dead crab at me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
