He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
