I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
