so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
