It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
