thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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