I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
