There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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