Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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